Birthday Reflections

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind…[and]…As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life – and travel – leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks – on your body or on your heart – are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.” – Anthony Bourdain

I had to begin this post with a few of my favorite quotes from Anthony Bourdain, because my world was completely rocked when I heard the news of his passing. I didn’t know him personally, like so many, but it’s as if I had. I understand his heartbreak and despair, but am deeply saddened that we lost an amazing human being, who had so much more to give and inspire the world with. He was one of my culinary idols, a rebel in the kitchen, who broke the rules of tradition and fine dining, but what I admired that most was that he always choose the beaten path, the hole in the wall place to grab a chair and feast with the locals. He brought parts of the world people never could’ve imagined existed, cultures most Americans never even heard of and would never even seen in their lifetime if not for him.

He discovered new cities and countries, through the local food, the people and simple pouring a glass of wine with them, even if it meant being cursed at by little old fishing women, as in one the three times he visited Portugal. I am honored he experienced my culture, and enjoyed it so much to share it with the world, as so many others around the world did too. Depression is a serious thing that can affect anyone, regardless of fame, race or status. I only hope that his curiosity and wonder has left a beautiful and positive light in us all. Suicide has become a serious issue in our country, and although the recent passings of Anthony and Kate Spade are sad news it has shed some much needed light on this topic that we need to talk more about and do to help those not in the public eye, from veterans, to high school students to regular working moms. 

But in my personal life, it’s been quite some time since I’ve checked in. May was a crazy month, after wrapping up Vanessa and Al’s wedding at the end of April, I dove right into Nicole and Jerry’s super-detailed, boho garden wedding, and even custom cupcakes for a luau sweet 16th birthday that same weekend. All while getting things ready to travel to Portugal for the month of June, of which I’m currently sitting in the garden, beneath the ever-growing trellis of vines listening to the symphony of birds in complete bliss. My happy place. It’s been a non-stop eight months, that I absolutely needed this time away, to spend with my family and amongst the purity of nature. 

I also celebrated my 29th birthday last week, the last year before officially entering my thirties. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but the few weeks before my birthday I felt this unexplainable sense of anxiety that wasn’t just work related. After my breakup almost a year and half ago, it did take me some time to be okay with the fact that I wasn’t engaged or on my way to being a mom. I choose to focus on my career, to put aside those doubts and fears that I wasn’t exactly where I wanted to be in my life. I choose not to stress it, to simply trust the universe and be open. But as much as one’s career is fulfilling and thriving, it still stings when everyone around you is celebrating these wonderful milestones and you’re just trying to figure out how to get back into this crazy dating world. 

For the longest time I’ve felt, and shared with you, that a change awaits me, yet I still feel like I’m stuck in that “in between” stage. With Wednesday’s full moon and a new year of life, it’s time I truly let go of the old; that fearful thinking that I won’t find someone to connect with, because after all it’s when we surrender and simply be open that wonderful things begin appearing in our lives.

For once and for all, I need to let go of the idea that I need to say “yes” to everything and accept every client/project that presents itself. Yes, it’s amazing that I’ve had so many reach out wanting to work with Dreamery Events, in hopes of making their celebrations even more special, but it was at the cost of my own personal needs. I owe that realization to The Refined Woman. No, I didn’t need to add more responsibility and work onto my plate, but the connection, the openness and inspiration it has given me personally, has been invaluable. I’m still so thankful I’m part of this amazing team, connected to these amazing women, helping share stories of women from all walks of life. 

And so here we are, the middle of June, the middle of 2018, the perfect time to reflect — on what we accomplished, what we’ve been struggling with, and check in on our goals. 

So I’m going to take a leap of faith towards my dreams this new year of life, to say “yes” more. Not necessarily to work, but to life! To new opportunities, adventures, people and experiences. Growing up I was your quintessential shy girl, but I’ve come a very, very long way from my childhood days, and yet I’m still growing into the woman I’m meant to be. 

Whether you believe it or not, new moons invite us to turn inward, to dream up beautiful things, to envision and set new intentions that will eventually shape another chapter of our lives. As summer officially begins next week and with so much happening in the world, I leave you with these inspiring words from Mike Dooley….

For all the fearless flowers : If you but soak up the sunlight you are given, drink each drop of water I send, and strive only to be yourself, life shall quicken in your roots, spirit shall raise you into the light, and your bloom will inspire the world.