A Few Thoughts on Turning 30…..

It’s my birthday, yes I’ve entered the thirties club. Truth, I was 100% resisting turning 30. Honestly, most days, mentally, I still feel like I’m 23. I’ve let go of the idea I had to be married with kids by 30 a few years ago (trust me there was a lot of letting go and trusting the flow of the Universe). But these last few months, it was more the gnawing feeling of being “stuck” on a wheel, ready to get off and yet still finding myself on. You know those worries that just become the norm when you enter your 30s – owning a house, saving for retirement, staying on top of your health, insurance coverages and this and that – all of which in my head I sometimes play out and compare to others. I know I shouldn’t play the comparison game, but it’s normal to feel that way. Of course I’d like certain things in my life, and I’m okay with not having them by a certain age. What would get to me most times was the mere fact of not knowing when these things will actually happen. And yes that’s totally the control freak in me, finding it hard to let go of the reigns. But I have let go. Thirty is here, and I’m embracing it.

I can certainly attest my difficulty of opening up and talking about the real things going on, for fear of letting others see the “real” me, that they won’t understand, but like most of us, there were things that forced me to develop a thick skin. I choose to put on this facade of always being strong or positive for everyone else. I found it hard to be the vulnerable or weak one, and I still do, feel like I have to be the rock. Here’s the thing about being the rock for everyone else, while keeping certain emotions and feelings in, well it gets tiring, and heavy, and lonely. In my mind, it was always me, myself and I. I know for most of us there are times when we feel just like that too. Like everyone, there are times in our lives when we do open up and share our thoughts, only to be met with judgement, misunderstanding or critical compliments – it stings.

Goodness I’m tired of it. You’re tired right? I’m human. I feel sad just like you. I want, need, desire and dream, just like everyone else. When you want to curl up into a little ball and cry all day, guess what there are days so do I. And I do, then I wipe those tears away and say, “okay, that’s okay, let it all out.” You are a good person, in this moment you need to feel whatever it is you are feeling. But now it’s time to get back in the saddle, close your eyes, picture the things you envision and dream to achieve, focus on that.

Why share all this now, because I want to enter my 30s with a clean slate for myself. I want to let go of these feelings, worries and fears that have been holding me back from truly living the life I want. Sometimes spilling my emotions into words isn’t the easiest, but it’s almost always exactly what I need to let it out.

I’m not sharing”my story” for pity, on the contrary, I’m proud that I’m being real, that I am strong and have stayed focused, motivating myself to power through. I know there might be one other person who will read this, and say “oh, that is exactly how I’ve been feeling too!!” And maybe one person reading this might connect to open their own heart too, because trust me I’ve read many stories this past year that have touched my heart and had me thinking “girl, I feel the same way!”

I constantly have to remind myself that

it’s okay, you will get there sweet girl, in your own time. We are all in this together, you don’t and absolutely shouldn’t be doing it on your own. Believe in yourself, be fearless because once you do, you’ll feel so much lighter and even more like “you”

I have my bad days, who doesn’t? Annoying bosses, frustrating traffic, everything just seems to be going opposite — but that’s all they are, just bad moments in a day. My bad moments are certainly not as crippling as those going each day with depression and anxiety, I see it firsthand and know very well that you can’t just get back in the saddle, your fears linger so I feel for you – I want to hug you and instill in you that it really will be all okay, you are stronger than you can ever imagine!!

Mental health awareness month just finished but in truth I wanted to share this post, for my birthday. To put my thoughts and insecurities to paper, to then officially let them go, leave them behind along with my 20s. Of course they won’t ever truly leave me, a small bit will be with me forever. It’s about not allowing it to bring you down. We’re all facing our own battles, some dealing with so much more than I can imagine, it’s those people, those who I don’t know but have had a much tougher journey than me, that snap me back to reality, that make me appreciate and feel grateful for the life I do have, even the silly negative thoughts or not perfect things happening in my life.

I care a lot about making others happy! You can just imagine how much my heart breaks because I can’t help everyone suffering around the world, or the environment and animal species being destroyed. The empath in me has a really hard time shaking it off most days….I most definitely compensate this but putting others first. But this last year before turning 30, I realized that as much as I want to help everyone, I can’t do it if I don’t care for myself like I do others. After all, we’re all in this together!

Some days the confidence is running at full steam, you feel at the top of your game, so many ideas circle around in your mind, you don’t know what to do with them…..but if you think that this mostly positive person doesn’t become defeated with self-doubt, self-judgment or that there are days everything triggers me and all that really helps is a good ugly cry, then you’re mistaken.

They say you shouldn’t dwell on the past, but I say sometimes you do need to go there and look back at everything in your life to truly appreciate all that you’ve gone through, accomplished and done to get you to the point you are now.

To be grateful for what you have in the present, is to be grateful for the past.

But I do know one thing is certain, just because I may have a hissy fit or ugly cry, or you’re going through a rough patch or someone you know has anxiety, DOES NOT make us all any less strong, confident or amazing humans.

Turning 30 shouldn’t be this thing you dread or fills you with worries, and yet that’s exactly how I felt these last few months. Most of the things that make me anxious or sad are things I create and bring on myself. I’m a pretty easy going person, yet this year there was a small, yet large part of me that doubted myself tremendously, played the comparison game and overanalyzed just about everything. As positive and confident of a person I am, I still those days, you just second guess everything.

See I’m also way too guilty of taking the easy road and hiding behind my work, rather than opening up about real stuff. And you know what! So do most small business owners, especially women who do it on their own, it’s just plain lonely sometimes. You have to make all the decisions, you have to be your own negotiator, your own cheerleader and motivator. So you pour into your creative work and share that. Let me tell you, it’s soo tiring!! Am I right or am I right??

Life isn’t, nor is it meant to be perfect. We all fight similar battles, one way or another, at different stages in our lives, with different people and different places, but one thing remains….although it may seem in the moment no one may understand, there is always someone who knows exactly what that gnawing feeling is like. You just need to open yourself up and actually share whats going on. Because if you don’t, then what or who is going to know you need the encouragement. It just doesn’t work that way.

I choose not to share these “real” stuff on social media because well I’m still a private person when it comes to it, but also because outlets like Instagram, are sources of happiness for me, especially when I do have bad days. When it comes to sharing, I prefer to spread happy and joyful things. On the contrary of feeling as if I’m missing out or making me feel worse, seeing beautiful travel photos and images of love filled weddings, mouthwatering food, an inspiring quote or post about someone dealing with something similar, is actually uplifting and inspiring to me!

There’s always things about ourselves that we can improve, things to learn, to discover, to embrace – all of which helps us continue to grow and evolve as humans. In all honesty, I am beyond grateful for the life I have, I don’t have a life of wealth or excess in any way whatsoever, but everything I do have – my health, family, and life – is a privilege compared to most. That’s not something I will ever take for granted.

I’m very hard on myself, who isn’t right?! But why? When and why did we all become our own worst enemies. When did it just become the norm and part of our DNA to be so critical and judgmental of ourselves? I don’t like it. Let’s change that. Let’s make sure next generations learn not to do that!

I genuinely love the person I am. I’m even happier I did allow myself to shine and grow from that shy little girl. I know I am a kind good person, I believe in myself and my dreams. If there’s one thing about me, is that I can’t ever choose to settle to live a stagnant life. Thats simply not me. Yes, I become impatient with myself when I don’t get to my end goals quick enough, but as I enter this new chapter I’m realizing that perhaps being just a bit more open and honest, with not only others but myself as well, will help present all my aspirations, and help me appreciate and enjoy this journey we call life, a whole heck of a lot more.

So here’s to leaving being the self doubt, the worries, the “should’ves,” “could’ves”, and saying hello to living your best life, the life that feeds your soul.

Now let’s get to some fun stuff! Here are 30 things you may have not know about me 😉….

1 . I’ve spent the last 8 out of 11 birthdays in either a different country or state…..traveling or having a fun new experience is definitely how I prefer to celebrate a new year

2 . It’s easy to see I love Nature, but it goes beyond love and finding it pretty. It is very important to me. I’m someone easily affected by my surroundings, the environment and energy around me. So having natural life is pretty necessary for my well being, it grounds and makes me feel complete.

I’ve become quite vocal and passionate about saving our Planet!! I may not be able to take the physical action I have in mind just yet, so I’m going to do whatever little thing I can like learning, raising awareness and choosing sustainable options to help, things that you can easily join and do too!

3 . I talk to all my flowers and everything growing in my garden. Sure you may think it’s weird,

but nature is the best listener. I like sharing my inner thoughts and dreams with nature, it holds no judgement and in return of your honesty, kindness and love, it almost always shows you her beauty and grandeur. Nature has been my haven and safe space this past year, a part of me feels it’s because of this connection that this season my garden is thriving with life, just bursting at the seams waiting to bloom and give back. When nature thrives, I thrive.

4 . I am most definitely a Gemini and one with a true Cancer rising. My name Diana, is rooted from the Roman goddess of the moon, hunting and forests (also known as the Greek goddess Artemis) umm hello, that’s me. I’ve also recently discovered I’m an Enneagram Type 6, with a bit of Type 2….and goodness it makes so much sense! It’s easy to see I’m really into Greek mythology and astrology too

5 . I’m happiest when I’m traveling, seeing new places, meeting new people, interacting with new cultures. Seeing everything this world has to offer is very important to me…Most of my bucket list items are travel related

6 . I think it would be so cool to live on a boat for a bit, and grab a van, just roam and experience the world!

7 . I don’t take any Sunset for granted. Sunsets, Rainbows and Ladybugs….three simple things that have always been special quirks of mine. My mother’s nickname for me was actually “Joaninha” so when they appear to me now, I know it’s the universe’s reminder things are going to be okay

8 . I’ve always had this thing with France and Africa, yet I’ve never been to either. Hoping next year can cross one off my list. {My parents were actually both born and raised in Angola}

9 . The smell of my dog Marley when he wakes up or is in deep sleep, is by far one of my favorite things in the world. I wish I could bottle it up! He was actually my 1st real pet {I grew up with some pretty cool fish tanks}….And yes, he’s named after the great Bob Marley 10 . I LOVE LOVE to dance! I’m constantly moving, whether it’s bomping my leg or swaying. I usually have to be dragged off the dance floor…..personal dance parties are some of the best things

11 . I wouldn’t be able to function without Music. It touches me on a whole other level. I listen to everything, love discovering artists and have always found making playlists so much fun. I can easily go from folk to reggae to rock to jazz. If you follow me on Spotify, you’ll see…I also LOVE live music! Intimate shows, concerts, music festivals…it’s all electric! I’ve lost count on how many artists I’ve seen and have seen some of my favorites multiple times.

12 . I speak 4 languages : English, Portuguese, Spanish & French. Hoping to start learning Italian again

13 . I’ve never been to any kind of camp. Summers I’d be shipped out to Portugal, to roam the farmlands and open nature. It was magic🧡🌿

14 . I am basically the nonfiction version of Jessica Day from New Girl

– Loves wearing dresses ✔️

– Bursts into random song at the most unexpected moment ✔️

– Gets wayyy too emotional at the sight of animals ✔️

– DIY is our middle name ✔️

– Will do anything for the people we care about ✔️✔️✔️

15 . I’m an exceptionally clumsy person, I’m usually covered in bruises, tripping over my own feet or walking into walls….yet somehow have an uncanny ability to carry a million things at once with 99% success rate

16 . I’m addicted to making lists. Lists within lists within lists …. it’s so gratifying. Truthfully organizing is my jam and always has been! I’ve lightened up over the years, but I was a crazed neat freak. If you’re ever in need of a closet color coded and organized or suitcase packed, I’m your girl! I’ve mentioned on an interview how proud I was of my color coded planner system, I got the internship 😉

17 . I surprised almost everyone when I decided to go to culinary school and pursue my creative passions. As someone who was always at the top of her class, it took A LOT of convincing…..if it wasn’t baking/events my 2nd choice was FIT to be a bridal fashion designer. I actually designed both my prom dresses 😉 But I’m so glad I didn’t pursue that, don’t think I would have the creative competitive mindset for it. I’m thankful for what I’m doing now, because I get to combine all my loves – nature, flowers, styling, planning, food, and everything else in between if it means doing something for someone else’s special moment or just because. Regardless of my interests, I’ve always wanted to own my own business and make others happy, hopefully you’ll be able to see the ultimate business goal come to fruition soon

18 . Martha Stewart was always the inspiration and drive for me to pursue my own dreams of starting Dreamery Events. She was the first woman I saw and looked up to, for following the beat of her own drum, actively pursuing and doing something with not one, but the hundreds of ideas and dreams running through her head….if anyone has connections, PLEASE, I need to meet this woman!! (And make sure Snoop is there with her. Thanks!🤣)

19 . I’m a history buff! I can’t get enough of learning how the world, civilizations came to be, the ways of life, how things evolved….I could care less about futuristic things or the latest tech stuff. I can spend hours talking with the older generations and hearing their stories. The 20’s are the bee’s knees, but the 70’s are the grooviest, most days I dress the part or am listening to music that might have very well been of the era. It was an interesting time in the world for sure

20 . I have webbed toes

21 . My hair is naturally verrryy curly. If you happen to see me au natural, take advantage, it’s a rare sighting 😉

22 . I’ve worn glasses since I was 4. Without them or contacts, my eye sight is atrocious 23 . I haven’t eaten meat in 11 years. Other than most processed foods, I will eat and try anything! I have some very weird food quirks…

1. My addiction with Peanut Butter is not healthy. I’d consider it the 2nd popular food group in my diet 🤣
2. I love bananas. Some days I can eat up to 3 in a day…yeah not good! I prefer them slightly green and the end you first peel, is by far my favorite part. There is no explanation, it’s very very weird, but it’s the most delicious part
3. I search for the deformed looking almonds, they’re the tastiest (again no logic)
4. Without fail, whenever I take my 1st sip of coffee, my mind automatically sings “the 1st [sip] is the [greatest]” to the melody of Sheryl Crow’s “First Cut is the Deepest”
5. I’m one of those few people who can’t really eat onions and garlic, especially raw. I won’t complain about it but I am more conscious of what I eat when I’m out, when I’m home I’ll usually add just a bit and always add in a chunk of Fresh Ginger. Garlic I don’t care for, but onions, I miss me some caramelized onions!

24 . Pie and Ice Cream are life! They’re my favorite things to make and dessert to eat. Don’t ask me to choose a favorite flavor, not possible!

25 . My signature drink is a cross between a Mojito, Moscow Mule and Whiskey on the rocks…..whiskey muddled with lots of lime and mint, ice and finished with Ginger beer …. I really don’t like most cocktails or sweet drinks

26 . I’m a only child. I hate it

27 . I can have quite the potty mouth 🙊

28 . Next time we have an actual conversation, pay close attention to how I speak. I end my sentences on a higher note or with a slight melody like I’m singing. At least that’s what others have said

29 . I went to college in Rhode Island, did an internship in Philly and lived in Tucson, AZ … I guess you can say I take any chance to wander from NJ. In truth I’ve never felt like I really belonged in NJ, those who know me well, say the same. For now this is where I call my base….DONT worry! In the meantime I can still make all your dream events happen, even destination ones 😉

30 . “Yes” is my kryptonite…..spontaneous road trip …yes! Move across country, yes! Impromptu night on the town, late night ice cream run, karaoke, yes yes yes. Can you help….are you able….what do you think….Yes, Yes, Yes…..it is both a good quality but also a weakness

Ps. The only way I was able to get these photos was by putting on Hall and Oates’ “You Make My Dreams Come True” dancing and just letting my phone burst shoot. Everything I posed for I didn’t love, plus this way I didn’t really care and I was just having fun like my usual self. The photos may be blurry and out of focus, but I love them like that. I remember the fun little moment I had and that’s what matters, those joyful simple moments are what we’re going to remember and take with us.

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